Adult Children Won’t Leave Home – 7 Steps to Make Them Move Out FAST

Adult Children Won’t Leave Home – 7 Steps to Make Them Move Out FAST

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Adult children won’t leave home. How hopeless is that? Here’s a story of my coaching client who
lived with his mother until 32. Hi, I’m Roman Mironov. Before we dive into this inspiring story,
make sure you subscribe to this channel. And if you’re on YouTube, click the alert
notification button. That way, you’ll get my latest tips. Question for you: what’s the age that is the point of no return
for moving out of your parents home? Let me know. My client was a 32-year-old man. Really an adult child with his parents supporting
him through his twenties and early thirties. I’ll call him John. He gave me a permission to share his story
because it’s such a great example of adult children living at home and what to do when they won’t move out. John’s mother took care of him, buying groceries,
keeping the apartment tidy, doing laundry, and so on. John worked from home and rarely went out. He never finished college. He never had a girlfriend. What are the reasons why adult children like
John won’t leave home? It would’ve been painful for John to move
out at the age of, say, 23. Start taking care of himself, get a job, find
a girl, take responsibility for his life? Living at home as an adult child sounded like
a better option. John’s mother was taking such good care
of him after all. John had been playing video games a lot as
a teenager. And now he was playing online poker professionally. No wonder he was an adult child who won’t leave home: he got to keep his comfortable lifestyle that he had been used to. John was addicted to the comfort of his mother’s
love. He tried to go out and meet women but failed. Actually, he had a shot with one girl. But she got tired of his chasing and neediness
and dumped him. John was in a lot of pain and thought, “Why
would I need all this trouble when I have tons of unconditional love from my mother?” And the mother also kept him with her unwittingly
because she didn’t want to be lonely. They knew it was an unhealthy situation but
it was so much easier to keep it that way than to do something to change it. John wasn’t meeting his need for significance
that all humans have. As an adult child who won’t leave home, he didn’t feel worthy enough to go get a job or find a girl. He was thinking, “Why would a woman choose someone like
me who doesn’t have his life together?” It’s a vicious circle: I feel insignificant. That means I can’t get a girl. And that means I feel even more insignificant. When I took John on as a client, I spent a lot of time with him and his
mother to understand their situation. I learned all of this. And it also turned out that his mother’s
mother had had a son, John’s uncle, who had lived with her all his life and died in his fifties. So John and his mother always had this negative
role model. I used this as leverage to motivate John. I explained that he and his mother were unconsciously
living out his uncle’s pattern. He lived at home as an adult child with his
mother all his life. He never married and hardly ever went outside. He lived an unfulfilled life and died prematurely. I also explained to John that whatever
instant gratification he felt at the moment would be replaced with regret very soon. Because deep inside he felt unfulfilled:
he wasn’t meeting his need for growth, a fundamental need that all humans have. I challenged the way John was thinking about
his situation habitually. To do that, I strategically made fun of his
lifestyle. I would say, “When was the last time you
went to a grocery store? Do you know at least one in your neighborhood?” I could be also very mean with my language: “If you love your mother so much,
why don’t you just marry her? There is no law against that.” Another thing that I did was showing him what
the future would look like. I know someone who is still an adult child in his
forties, with his parents supporting him. And his life is a mess. I made John meet that person so that he had an image in his mind
of what he would like in 10 years. And John he didn’t like what he saw. I also made him read Mr Mercedes, a novel
by Stephen King. It’s about a man who lives with his
mother and goes crazy as a result, killing a lot of people. It is a great book to motivate adult children
who won’t leave home. John was defining his problem in a way that
it couldn’t be solved. His definition was: It might be better for me to leave home
but there are too many disadvantages to that. So he was focusing on all those valid reasons to stay. I changed his
definition to this: I am not fulfilled now because I don’t meet my need for growth. How can I meet that need despite the disadvantages? So now he focused on his main reason for change
and not on what was holding him. Next, we created an image of compelling future
for him. Feeling less bored because he would be trying
new things even simple ones like buying groceries or cooking himself. Building a new career. Making his mother happier because she wouldn’t
feel guilt anymore. Maybe even starting a family. To make sure that he committed to this future,
I made John visualize it. I would say, “Tell me what your future will
look like a year from now.” And he would tell me everything in as much
detail as possible. I knew that he loved his 8-year-old nephew. For example, he loved to teach the little
guy to play soccer. So when he was visualizing his future family,
I would ask him, “Tell me how you are playing with your son and how happy you both guys
feel.” He felt really inspired at that moment. Then I told him to go back to the old state
and asked him how it felt. For sure, it felt worse. I kept him alternating between these
two states so that he could really dig how compelling the future was. I also made him anchor this new state to a
soccer ball. Every time he went into that beautiful state,
I passed the ball to him. This ball is now an anchor that reminds him
of that compelling future. John always had this unmet need for contribution. He wanted to take his mother to travel the
world. He wanted to help his friends with the issues
they struggled with. And in fact, he had really good ideas to share
with them because he was so intelligent. But he would withhold those ideas: he thought they wouldn’t listen to him since his own life was a mess. He wanted to spend more time with his nephew
and teach him different skills. But the nephew wasn’t open to his influence. In fact, he told John outright, “How can
you tell me what to do when you are old and live with your mother?” Either the guy is super intelligent for an
8-year-old boy or he heard this from his parents. Finally, John thought about helping other
people after overcoming his problem. He could share his experience with other adult
children who won’t leave home. In fact, that’s exactly what he is doing
in this video, through me. All these higher purposes created sustainable
motivation for him. If John did it, so can you or your child or
your friend. I totally believe this is possible. When adult children won’t leave home, follow these steps that I did or better yet involve a life coach. If you have adult children and need help figuring
what to do when they won’t move out, check out my life coaching services at romanmironov.com. If you enjoyed this video, like it, share it, tell other people about it, subscribe to the channel. If you have any questions, leave a comment below. I’ll answer and help you out. Thank you for watching.

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